Biggest Fails in Coaching and How to Spot Them as a Coachee
Key Insights to Help You Find a Better Coach.
Everyone makes mistakes, even leaders and coaches. I am uniquely qualified to write this article, as I have made every one of these mistakes, some, embarrassingly, more than once. And I have learnt from both my experience as a coach as well as a coachee myself, when I sought guidance from coaches and mentors in my career. If you're seeking guidance, this article will empower you to choose a coach who truly supports your growth.
So here it is: a practical guide into the biggest coaching fails from a coachee's perspective and how to avoid them.
Fail 1: Lack of Clear Goals
Imagine going on a road trip without a map (or Google Maps). That's what it feels like when a coach doesn't prioritize setting clear, actionable goals with you. Without a roadmap, sessions can feel aimless, leaving you unsure of your progress or whether you are progressing at all.
What to Watch For: A skilled coach will collaborate with you to define specific, measurable goals. For instance, they might ask, "What does success look like for you in six months?" and help you break down that vision into achievable steps. If your coach isn't helping you set a roadmap or continually revisiting your objectives, it's a sign to reconsider.
Fail 2: Overloading You with Advice
We all love to give advice—it feels good to help. However, some coaches dominate sessions with their own solutions, offering quick fixes instead of empowering you to discover your own answers. This can leave you feeling dependent rather than capable. That's why I live by my motto: 'Teach ‘em how to fish.' Growth needs to be sustainable, like building lasting habits, rather than the quick fixes of a short-term diet, helping you lose weight fast, then suffer the yoyo effect. Sounds familiar?
What to Watch For: Look for a coach who asks thought-provoking questions like, "What options have you considered?" or "What are the potential consequences of each choice?" A great coach severely limits the advice they give and focuses on helping you gain insight, get to know yourself better and take action. You should not become reliant on their input - your coach should help you develop your autonomy. If the coach rarely listens or validates your input, they might not be the right fit.
A good coach can change a game. A great coach can change a life.
Fail 3: Ignoring Your Individual Needs
One-size-fits-all coaching fails to address your unique goals, challenges, and preferences. This can leave you feeling misunderstood and disengaged. You are not like anyone else, you are you. So your coach needs to find how to help you, with your unique needs.
What to Watch For: A great coach will take the time to understand your personality, motivations, and preferred learning style. They might ask, "How do you learn best?" or "What motivates you to achieve your goals?" If their approach feels generic or overly rigid, it may not be tailored to you.
Fail 4: No Accountability Framework
Inspiring conversations are great, but without follow-up, they're unlikely to translate into tangible results. A coach who fails to hold you accountable may hinder your progress.
What to Watch For: Coaches should establish accountability systems, such as regular check-ins or actionable tasks. For example, they might create a shared goal-tracking spreadsheet or schedule weekly progress reviews or ask you to send weekly updates on homework assigned. If your coach isn't tracking your progress, you might need to find someone more hands-on. Note the fine line between your coach holding you accountable and empowering you to hold yourself accountable.
Fail 5: Avoiding Difficult Topics
Great coaching requires courage. Coaches who shy away from tough conversations or sugarcoat feedback can do more harm than good. Growth often comes from addressing uncomfortable truths, tough conversations and uncomfortable moments are all part of the journey to rediscover yourself and help you grow.
What to Watch For: Seek a coach who is honest but empathetic. They should provide constructive feedback in a way that challenges you while respecting your boundaries. Ensure nothing important is left unsaid in conversations.
Fail 6: Focusing Only on Quick Wins
While short-term achievements can be satisfying, they shouldn't overshadow long-term growth. A coach who emphasizes immediate results without considering your broader vision may not be aligned with your goals.
What to Watch For: Ensure your coach is helping you balance immediate objectives with a sustainable path for the future. They should ask questions like, "How does this goal fit into your overall vision?"
Fail 7: Talking Too Much
A coach who dominates the conversation may leave little room for your voice, limiting the effectiveness of sessions. Silence can be a powerful tool for reflection and insight.
What to Watch For: Effective coaches strike a balance between listening and guiding. If your sessions feel like monologues, consider whether the coach is meeting your needs. Remember, silence should be embraced as part of the coaching process.
Fail 8: Rigidly Following Systems
There are plenty of step-by-step coaching systems, but they often fall short because real coaching conversations rarely follow a predictable pattern. A rigid, one-size-fits-all coaching methodology can feel impersonal and ineffective. Coaches who stick too closely to a script may miss opportunities to address your unique challenges.
What to Watch For: The best coaches adapt their approach to suit you. If a coach appears inflexible or overly reliant on generic frameworks, it might not be a good fit. Great conversations should flow naturally, diving deep and changing direction where the ground is most fertile.
How to Choose the Right Coach
Finding the perfect coach means looking for someone who listens, tailors their approach, and holds you accountable while encouraging you to grow. Trust your instincts and don’t be afraid to ask questions before committing. The right coach will not only help you reach your goals but also inspire you to achieve beyond what you thought possible. Remember, the coaching relationship is a partnership. By being aware of these potential pitfalls, you can confidently choose a coach who empowers you on your journey to success.
About me
Hi - I’m Benonica. With 17 years experience as a CX Leader, People Manager & Coach - I created this Substack to empower people to transform their career & relationship with work, colleagues & themselves. I write about coaching, leadership, customer experience, startups, and thinking about AI & how it will change our world. If you need a coach - happy to have a conversation.